The Wise Internal Guide

The body is equipped with a miraculous all knowing power. It comes with the feeling of a butterfly in the tummy, a slowing down of a moment, a prickling of hairs on the back of the neck, and a voice internally that speaks very clearly.

We all have this wise internal guide that sends us signals but we don’t often listen, or we discount it. I have disregarded my internal voice more times that I can count when it would say that I shouldn’t do something but out of being polite or social conventions I’ve continued.

I’m getting better and better about listening to and honouring my internal wise woman. It has taken me years, and truly every so often I still slip up when my mind rationalises what is happening and I override the feeling. When I do this though it is clear that I am out of my flow, out of my own power, and it doesn’t serve me, ever.

Last night I had an experience that was kind of odd. First let me put out there that people have volunteered time and effort to help with so many things in the course of my lifetime, sometimes simple things like someone holding a door open for me, or helping me with a bag for all of my apples when my hands are too full because I’ve chosen my apples first before thinking of the bag. I’ve had people help me get my pram out of the boot of the car when juggling kids, I’ve had people pass me toilet paper under stalls, I’ve had people offer me free things all my life. I am very gracious in receiving all of the kindness and abundance, and truly appreciate it. It makes me feel like I am connected with these people and in this wondrous world in a beautiful way.

So last night when I was at the hardware store looking for a tool to make cutting our blinds to size easier it didn’t come as too much of a surprise that a couple of guys offered to help me find the right tool, beyond what the store clerk had already suggested. They walked back into the tool section with me, went back and forth with the different options and somewhere in there, I got a warm feeling in my neck and my breath started to become a bit more shallow. My body was slowing down and telling me something, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I took the help and then they went on their way, but I had a weird feeling like I ought to stall inside the shop a bit longer. I did for a couple of minutes but they were soon closing and at the checkout I asked another clerk who had been watching if she knew them, and she said she thought I did. Again, it is not usual for someone to go out of their way to help me, but something just felt off.

So as I was leaving, I spotted one of the young guys who lives in my neighbourhood at work, and I asked him if he wouldn’t mind just walking me out to my car as I had parked a bit far and it was dark, and he is such a nice fella and I knew he would say yes, and he did. I didn’t look around in the parking lot, but hopped right in my car and went on my way.

The thing is I could have not listened to my gut, I could have not asked for the guy I knew working there to walk me out and everything could have been fine. However, because I did play it safe, I did listen to my wise internal self, it is now just a story I get to tell you about now.

I have wondered a lot about why I haven’t listened to my intuition before, and what I came up with was that I put the societal version of how to be a nice girl ahead of my internal knowing. Even though I live in a different culture than the one I grew up in, I still carry that with me. It’s an ongoing effort to release the old habit pattern and embrace my whole self, as I am. I wonder how many other women might benefit if we started listening to the wisdom we have inside and honouring it.