Find Something Good to Say

I want to tell you that this is a trait that will help you out in all areas of your life. I want to tell you that it is something you can learn, and it will feel good. I want to tell you that it can be very effective at bridging gaps in relationships of all forms. I want to tell you that it’s easy, however, like all new habits, it can take a little practice until it becomes automatic.

In relationships, especially in romantic relationships and in parenting partnerships, finding something good to say can transform relationships.

You may be thinking that there is no way in hell you could find something good to say to your partner when they’ve been working away too much and you haven’t seen them, or that they’ve spent money that you were saving for something for a mini weekend staycation, or that they’ve let the kids stay up entirely too late and they’ve turned into gremlins still awake when you return from your one night out with the girls.

The thing is that we attract our partners, all of our relationships into our lives for a reason and it’s up to us to find the good in it. I will very clearly say that if any kind of domestic violence or abuse is happening, there is no excuse and to leave any way you possibly can. I read this book in my very formative years when I was about 20 years old called “Light in the Mirror” by Barry & Joyce Vissell. It was lent to me from a friend after talking to her about my relationship woes at the time. The book brought major relevations to my life and has stayed with me ever since, something a good book at the right time can do. Specifically the aspect that everyone is a reflection of myself and that the partner I have chosen at this time is exactly that, a reflection of who I am right now. Basically anything that I can see in them, anything I can re-cognize is because it is also in me, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see it.

Later in my exploration and adventures in Law of Attraction and self responsibility studies I have expanded on this and see that because I “AM” exhibiting certain characteristics, that I then attract those characteristics of a partner into my life. This may even be aspects that I am actively avoiding because the act of “actively avoiding” brings my attention to those characteristics and that creates the energy to draw it to me.

This means that any characteristics that I see in my partner that aren’t cohesive with me, are most likely latent characteristics that are in me anyway. So by choosing to seek the positive aspects of my partner, even when things aren’t the way that I would necessarily think I’d like, they are there and it’s up to me to take responsibility for them and to find the good.

The great thing about finding the good is that it helps me feel better. Sure it may also help them, but that isn’t necessarily the point. The point of it is that if I look for the good things about my partner and the situation, then I will then feel the good feelings and be in a space to bring more of that into my life.

If in the moment it is too hard to do this, feel the feelings of anger, disappointment that arise, have a conversation about why it’s upsetting you either with your partner or in your journal, release the emotion in some way, and then consciously look for what is good about the situation and actively talk about why it is good, and why it is beneficial right now.

For instance, my husband purchased a very expensive gift for me recently, and I was in shock a bit that he would spend so much on it. I’ll just tell you, it was a Dyson Airwrap, a very fancy hair styling tool, which was replacing the tools I already have that work just fine and cost 1/8th of the cost. I expressed to him that money could have been used elsewhere to benefit our family, and then found the good in it that I had my eye on it, and I did actually want it. Truly that hair tool has transformed my hair styling process in a super easy way and the benefits continue to outweigh the shock and upset I felt initially. I thanked him for noticing that I did want it, and for making the purchase for me, even the long hair version specifically, and that I was grateful because he doesn’t often buy gifts for me and this was an exceptional choice.

Perhaps my example feels like a first world problem solved, and we are in a position where we have enough money to buy things like that because we have aligned our values and created and allowed a life to be built around those values which includes having financial resources available to us.

My post is getting a bit wordy now but finding a way to find the good things and express it will go a long way to building relationships and maintaining them.