Sometimes with emotional energy, sleep is needed. It’s like there is too much to process and the only way is to lay down and rest my body and my mind. This happened earlier today, I could feel the heaviness of emotions swirling in me and it was all I could do, just lay on my bed and allow myself to sleep a bit. I didn’t even get to a point where I was nicely in a position that I’d normally sleep in on my back, no. I laid almost like a log onto my bed belly down and face into my pillow sideways across my bed. Strangely sometimes it’s that first odd position, no matter how unusual it is that offers the most instant relief and I try to soak that up as long as I can or until my body makes me move again.
Resting belly down isn’t something I do a lot, and I just let any kind of judgement release about feeling these emotions, feeling my body needing rest, and also then resting. This is major for me. The amount of judgement I have laid onto myself for resting, even when I’ve needed to in the past has been considerable. It’s like the only way I would ever actually say No to something was because I was on my deathbed and that was the time when I had to stay in bed and couldn’t get up to do the endless number of things that always need to be done. It was my pattern of not giving myself the amount of compassion that I would give to others, but I’ve been actively working on that, and allowing myself to rest today, showed me that my self compassion is much more developed than it’s ever been.
When I woke from my belly down slumber, I followed what I felt I needed, I made a cup of tea and turned on some music, a band that I’ve seen live back when I lived in the US, who I haven’t listened to in a long time, Galactic. As the music filled the kitchen my body had to dance. If I were to have forecasted that my next step was to fully get down in my own kitchen to these songs, I wouldn’t have known, but that’s exactly what happened. I had this full charge of energy rushing through me and it had to express itself in some way. If it were in the evening this would have been full on sexy time with my husband, and the great thing is that those strong emotions, that emotional current can be directed towards anything I choose. The music pulsed through my body and I let go like I was at a live show, giving it my all and allowed myself to be fully carried away. I continued dancing until I had to pick up my son from school, and I felt like I had shaken off some of the swirling emotions that had been so heavy that they required me to rest earlier.
The wild thing is that I could have not allowed myself the freedom of expression in the form of resting and then in the form of dancing. I could have done the things I needed to do, as there are always things that need to be done when having two small kiddos. Now I feel better, I’m still dealing with a lot of emotions, my concern for my family back in the US is with me constantly as covid is circulating directly with them now. I released the emotions, I released the charge that was happening in my body because it had to work through me. I had self compassion and self understanding which allowed the flow of what needed to happen, happen.
If this sounds like something you need to work on too, the ability to have self compassion, get in contact and maybe I can help.